To Breathe Another Day

Welcome to my blog. There are many reasons I am starting to blog : to connect with others, to , hopefully, help others who are struggling with health or life in general, and to get some help with accountability. I have to accept what I can't change and be held accountable for what I need to do to live. If I say I am going to do something, ask me if I am doing it. Really, ask me. I want your feedback. I want to live and be as healthy as I can be.

Monday, July 9, 2012

I'm so bored!  I haven't felt like doing anything in my craftroom because I've been sick, so I've have just been sitting on my couch drawing and facebooking. It's easy to draw because I can sit with my feet up and not move around too much.  Mom is out of town.  That is a big reason for my boredom.  We always have a routine for the evenings.   I miss her.  It feels weird being here alone.  Mac is here, but he stays in his cave and garage all day and evening, so I feel like I'm on my own.  Actually I feel like a teenager wondering what exciting things I can do while she's away, but the excitement stops there because I've gotton pretty boring in my "old" age. lol  Seriously, I like feeling like I'm on my own every once in a while.  I'm 41 yrs. old and I live with my parents.  I like staying with them but I also feel like I'm missing out on having my own place with my own belongings, and my own rules.  I never have the desire to walk around naked, but if I had my own place I could.  Just a thought.  One day, who knows, maybe I'll be well and live whereever I want.  If I could live whereever I wanted I would live close to my parents. That's funny and cool that I just realized that.  Next time I get winey about not having my own place, I'll just remind myself of this conversation.  There is a reason for everything.  Nothing happens by accident.  I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be until God moves me to where he wants me at that moment in time.


1. grateful for a good cozy place to live
2. grateful for my aunt kim
3. grateful for Tyler, little boy who spends time with me
4. grateful for the rain
5. grateful God is in control

Thanx for reading!

Monday, June 25, 2012

wow!  I haven't written in a very long time.  I got  sidetracked I guess.  I've been working in my craftroom some and resting a lot.  That's ok.  Maybe I'm resting up because something exciting is going to happen and I need all my strength! LOL
     I've been struggling a lot this year with shingles and ear infections.  Shingles are so painful!  I don't know how many breakouts I've had this year, but I know it was a lot.  I haven't had any in at least a month, and the pain is finally gone.  Thank you God!!  Everything is a lesson or a blessing, and the shingles were a lesson.  I was able to work on my anxiety while I had them, and I learned to talk myself through the attacks.  I prayed mostly so it was really God not me! Have to give credit where credit is due!!
    I'm learning about art.  Everything I can learn free on youtube or other websites is what I've been focusing on.  I love mixed media art.  I have to remember that in art there are no rules.  I don't have to follow any lines.  It's hard to do.  I keep telling myself, "You can do what ever you want, remember?".  Then I usually answer myself with "Oh, yeah, so what now?"  I'm looking for my creativity.  I'm not sure where it's hiding. lol
    Of course, I have a lot to be greatful for:

1. My beautiful mother
2. The beautiful green landscape that we've had this spring
3. trees, I love trees, I'm an oak, standing strong.
4. my Grandpa and Grandma, they are awesome examples of  spirituality
5. Actually, my whole family!  I love my family and am greatful for everyone of them

Thanks for reading!

Michelle

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Anger

I haven't written in a long time.  I need my journaling.  It always helps me feel better.  I haven't felt good in a while.  It makes me depressed.  It's frustrating.  I don't want to be a whiner but I'm going to pretend that noone else can read this and say whatever I want.  Tonight is my night to let loose and feel sorry for myself.

Dear God,

Why does it have to be this way?  I'm so tired and frustrated!  There is so much to do and I'm not getting anything done.  I'm sorry I'm not as focused on you as I should be right now.  I'm just angry.  I want to drive.  I want to have a normal healthy relationship with a man.  I run out of breath laughing.  I can't sing anymore.  Why? Why? Why?  I know you have the answer.  You are sooo powerful, you can do anything you want.  What good is it doing  me right now?  I just want one week of good health.  I believe with all my heart that you can heal me.  I'll beg you.  I'm not above that.  Please, please, please!!!  I'm begging you now.  I don't want to bear this anymore.  I'm so tired.  Every day I worry that my pump is going to stop or my heart is going to say no more.  I've tried to turn this fear over to you for so many years.  I think I'm ok and then wham! My anxiety comes back.  No more!!  I've had it!  I don't care right now.  Whatever!

I don't have a gratitude list today.  Today I don't care.

I'll feel better tomorrow.  Sometimes I have to blow off steam.  He understands.