I haven't written in a long time. I need my journaling. It always helps me feel better. I haven't felt good in a while. It makes me depressed. It's frustrating. I don't want to be a whiner but I'm going to pretend that noone else can read this and say whatever I want. Tonight is my night to let loose and feel sorry for myself.
Dear God,
Why does it have to be this way? I'm so tired and frustrated! There is so much to do and I'm not getting anything done. I'm sorry I'm not as focused on you as I should be right now. I'm just angry. I want to drive. I want to have a normal healthy relationship with a man. I run out of breath laughing. I can't sing anymore. Why? Why? Why? I know you have the answer. You are sooo powerful, you can do anything you want. What good is it doing me right now? I just want one week of good health. I believe with all my heart that you can heal me. I'll beg you. I'm not above that. Please, please, please!!! I'm begging you now. I don't want to bear this anymore. I'm so tired. Every day I worry that my pump is going to stop or my heart is going to say no more. I've tried to turn this fear over to you for so many years. I think I'm ok and then wham! My anxiety comes back. No more!! I've had it! I don't care right now. Whatever!
I don't have a gratitude list today. Today I don't care.
I'll feel better tomorrow. Sometimes I have to blow off steam. He understands.
4 comments:
Dear Niece Michelle, I pray for you each day that GOD will help you get better. I understand your anger, and frustration, I'm sure GOD does too, your prayer and plea is heard by HIM, and you say,"Why don't HE answer." I wonder the same thing sometime, but, we know GOD hears and answers prayer according to HIS will, and we still wonder why our prayers are not answered like we want them to be, I have no answer for this, I just know I keep praying, especially for Nancy, that she might get better, I know HE has answered my prayers for her, and for other things I ask for, but it all has to be according to HIS will, but, you know all this.
I wish I had answers for you, aomething to help you through the anger in your heart, as you said, you will feel better tomorrow, which is today, pouring out your anger on GOD has perhaps, already helped you, like a loving parent when we become angry with them, GOD is far greater, after the anger has passed, I pray you will feel better. I love you dear niece, Uncle Eddie.
I'm thankful for all things GOD gives to us each day.
Michelle it hurts me so much to see you so depressed and hurting. I pray for God to heal your heart in times like this. He is so faithful to help you daily! I know without Him you would not be here. You are His precious child. He wants the very best for you. I am so thankful for the years He has given you to live when the doctors said they would be few. I am so thankful for your heart for Him. I am thankful for your laughter & sense of humor! I am so thankful you are a wonderful sister to your siblings. I am so thankful for your honesty. God has kept you here for a reason even in your suffering. He does have plans for you to carry out. I will continue to pray for you and to thank God for you. I love you so much! Mom
Hi Sweet Girl. I'm sorry you had a bad day. It makes my heart ache for you. I love you so much and it makes me sad to know that you're suffering so. I came across this video from youtube. Copy & paste this to your browser & watch it please.
www.http://youtu.be/ggGwDrxrC2k
My prayer is that this video with the words & the music will bring you comfort. I love you, Michelli!
xoxo ~ carmen
Oops! Leave off the "www" in front of the address.
http://youtu.be/ggGwDrxrC2k
Copy this address instead. :)
~ carmen
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