I haven't written in a long time. I need my journaling. It always helps me feel better. I haven't felt good in a while. It makes me depressed. It's frustrating. I don't want to be a whiner but I'm going to pretend that noone else can read this and say whatever I want. Tonight is my night to let loose and feel sorry for myself.
Dear God,
Why does it have to be this way? I'm so tired and frustrated! There is so much to do and I'm not getting anything done. I'm sorry I'm not as focused on you as I should be right now. I'm just angry. I want to drive. I want to have a normal healthy relationship with a man. I run out of breath laughing. I can't sing anymore. Why? Why? Why? I know you have the answer. You are sooo powerful, you can do anything you want. What good is it doing me right now? I just want one week of good health. I believe with all my heart that you can heal me. I'll beg you. I'm not above that. Please, please, please!!! I'm begging you now. I don't want to bear this anymore. I'm so tired. Every day I worry that my pump is going to stop or my heart is going to say no more. I've tried to turn this fear over to you for so many years. I think I'm ok and then wham! My anxiety comes back. No more!! I've had it! I don't care right now. Whatever!
I don't have a gratitude list today. Today I don't care.
I'll feel better tomorrow. Sometimes I have to blow off steam. He understands.
