Hello! It's so cold out. I hope it snows!
I wanted to write about the stages of grieving. I learned them in treatment. They are denial, barter, anger, depression, and acceptance. I'm sure different people might use different wording for these stages, but they will basically mean the same.
Denial
I've been thinking about this stage all week. I don't remember being in denial about my illnesses. I was so sick when they diagnosed me with pph that I was relieved they found what was wrong. I knew for a while that something wasn't right with my health. I kept going to doctors to find out what it was. Other people didn't believe that I was sick. Some thought it was my weight. I weighed 282 lbs. when I was diagnosed. I can see why some might think that was the cause. Since then I've lost over 150lbs.
I was probably in denial about my weight more than my disease until I got on a scale!
I was in denial about being an alcoholic for a long time. I kept thinking that I couldn't be an alcoholic because I didn't drink every day. That's what I thought the first time I went to treatment. Ok. I wasn't going to write about this, but why not? It could help some one else.
When I was 21, I lived in Amarillo, Tx. I wasn't drinking every day, but it had become a problem. I was calling in sick because of hangovers, spending all my money on alcohol, blacking out, etc. I was starting to get depressed. Alcohol is a depressant. One night after the bar was closed I went home and slit my wrist. After that people (family members) were trying to get me into treatment. I didn't want to go. I did not think I had a problem. They just kept bugging me. Finally I decided to go to get them off my back. I wanted to prove to them that I didn't have a problem. The treatment place said for me not to drink before I was scheduled to check in. I think it was only 4 or 5 days of waiting. So, I drank Nyqhil. That's sick I know. That was denial! I stayed sober for only 2 weeks after I got out of there.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I always thought I could control how much alcohol I was going to drink, but it never happened. That's insanity. If doctors diagnose you with an illness, but you keep going to different doctors to get a better diagnosis, that's insanity. Admitting that you have the illness or that you are an alcoholic is a step towards sanity and the end of denial.
Gratitudes
1. My health
2.The changing of the seasons
3. All things cozy!
4. Love, God's love
5. All my special friend's
I am so blessed! God takes good care of me!!
Thank you,
Michelle
2 comments:
Dear Michelle, once again you have poured your heart out about your denial. If we would admit it, we all have problems with denial, we just have a hard time admitting to ourself, who and what we are.
You have gone beyond this, telling all who read your words what you were, but those of us who know you now, see a much different person than the one who was in denial. It takes courage to do what you have done to get over the life you lived, and then to admit the denial of it. I'm so proud of the beautiful person I now see in you.
I look forward to reading the next chapter of your life. I pray for you each day, dear Niece, I love you, Uncle Eddie.
Gratitude list.
1.The GODHEAD
2.Prayer
3.The snow
4.A good cup of coffee
5.My family
6.Seeing my great-grandson being Baptized yesterday.
7.My health
8.My wife, Nancy
9.My puppy dogs, Bouncy & Babe
10.Last, but not least, you, dear Niece
Michelle do you have any idea how brave you are? Look what you have become and what you have been through! God is so evident in your life! That makes me so happy! I love your spirit so much. I knew God had amazing plans for you. Seeing you fulfill His will in your life is such a blessing. I hope people keep reading your blog because I know there are ones this will help.
Gratitude List
1 family
2 Christian family
3 health
4 all my needs being met
5 God's grace
I love you Oshie, Mom
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