Hope

Am I prepared to give a reason for the hope that is in me?  Thank you for the question.  In Col.1:5,6 it says that we have hope stored up for us in heaven.  I didn't know that verse until my Mom told me about it the other day.  I had to go through a grieving process before I felt hope.  Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance.  I spent a lot of time in depression. 
    Before I was sick, I had been in recovery for alcoholism and drug addiction.  They talk a lot about the grieving process because so many people in recovery have lost loved ones and don't know how to deal with it. 

Whenever the doc told me what was wrong, I couldn't believe it.  I had finally gotten my life together.  I was sober, just got a promotion at work, and had only been married 3 mo's.  I had work so hard to accomplish these things, not to mention, working on my anxiety and panic attacks, depression, and self-esteem.  How could this be happening now?  Am I being punished?

I prayed so much.  Kept doing my gratitude list.  Went to aa meetings.  Whatever kept me sane, I did.  God was watching over me.  I know because no matter what health problem arose, God took care of me.  The doctors could only do so much.  I felt I didn't have any choice except to turn to God.

Even though I still get depressed, I am happy too.  The more I lean on God, the better I feel mentally which helps me feel better physically.

What is the worst thing that can happen to me?  Die?  I believe I'm going to heaven so my fear in that is only temporary. 

I hope they find a cure in my lifetime.  I have faith that I will be healed (in God's time).  I look at hope as believing something can happen, like a cure.  Faith is knowing that something is going to happen.

I believe everything I go through happens for a reason.  I can use my illness to glorify God.  Tell my story and maybe help someone else.  Through pain we grow.  My spirituallity has blossomed since I've been sick.  Sometimes I feel happier than before I was diagnosed.  I am closer to my family, to God.  I have realized who my true friends are. 

When I celebrated my 40th birthday, it was the most awesome feeling.  I never thought I would live that long.  Every day is a blessing or a lesson.

I hope I was able to give you a clear answer.  Every life is a gift, even if only temporary.  I am thankful for this life God has given me.  He has blessed me over and over. 

Gratitudes:

1. family
2. my health
3. hope
4. faith
5. Jesus dying for me

I'm finally back home.  It feels so good to be in my own bed.  I loved staying at Michael and Rachelle's, but it's good to be home.  I can't believe how hard it is to function without having my normal routine and space.  Everything is slowly getting back to normal.  I will be able to blog more with my own computer.


Thanx for reading and commenting,

Michelle

This was an older one that I never posted.  I thought I should go ahead a post it.  I apologize for